Good morning, sir. I am your guide for today. I will be guiding you through the various intricacies and wonders of ...yes! You guessed it! The passport office! Would you care to join me at the back of this long-ish line? I assure you, sir. It just looks long. Trust me, sir. The wait is much longer.
Ah. You must be lucky, sir, look! From where we stand, we have a most advantageous view of the entire outside of the passport office. Notice the damp walls, so inviting....so invigorating ....for that cluster of insects. Try not to go too close, sir, they may bite. What's that sir? Oh yes yes yes. Speaking of bites, you can live vicariously by feasting your eyes and empty stomach on the restaurant right across the street. Yes yes, The Passport Restaurant is a very novel name for a restaurant. Note the neo-modern decor! The extravagant buffet! The stunning array of food! And, yes, its all for the taking right after you're done with the passport office.
No sir, it won't take long for the gates to open. Just another hour or so. But of course, the doors are a different issue. Now that might take about two hours. No no sir. Thats excluding the one hour wait outside the gates.
Ah. You must be really lucky sir, look! They're opening the gates! Now, run, sir, run! We don't want to get trampled now, do we? Whats, that, sir? Now whats that supposed to mean?
OH.
Do you work out, sir? You did a pretty good job of running to the front of the line just then. Yes, sir. I work out, too. Have to stay in shape to catch up with my clients you see. Some of them run so fast when the gates open that I sometimes lose them in the crowd. Whats, that, sir? I didn't quite hear you. Something about it being the point? Oh, never mind.
Let me interest you in the various sights to behold inside the compound of the passport office, sir. This is only visible to the vigilant eye. Did you know that you can tell a person from his spit? That's right! For instance, take the wall you are leaning against, sir. Note that there are six different colours of spit on it. No no sir. Get back in line or you'll lose your place in the queue!
Did you know monkeys are very possessive? If they grab something from you, you dare not chase it or else they tend to get violent. I suggest that you put your passport into your pocket or into your folder right away sir. It is, after all, another tedious but extremely educational job to get it replaced. Whats, that, sir? Oh, i brought up the subject about monkeys and passports because the one above you on the ledge has been staring rather intently at your passport for quite some time now, sir. Sir! Sir! I insist that you get back in line right now!
Hark! Do you hear? The inner doors are opening. It wont be long until you are invited in, sir. No, no, I will not be able to guide you once you are inside, sir. Sir? Are you crying or laughing?
Well, I must bid you farewell, sir. This is where I take my leave. That will be 500 bucks plus tax for the tour down the line, sir. Whats that. sir? Stick it up where???
OH
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